You Are Soooo Good Looking

Hi everyone! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend! Tonight I think we should talk about accepting compliments!

Why is accepting a compliment so hard? Either you actually disagree or you think that denying it will make you appear more humble. However, denying a compliment just creates an awkward situation, even if you don't mean to, you're pretty much saying "Take all your niceness and SHOVE IT".

Simple fix:
 Just smile and say "Thanks" simple enough and you can go about your day as usual.

If someone is complementing something you have:
Nice shoes, cute top, cool phone case etc. Say thanks and tell them how you acquired it. "Thanks, I got them on sale at Country Clothes". Do this because usually (not always) these compliments are used as conversation starters, so this will keep it going. Now you come off as nice and helpful. If you, for whatever reason, don't want them to know where you got it  "It was a gift".

If someone compliments something about you yourself:
You're a good artist, you're funny, you're a good listener, etc. These are what people usually have trouble with. You're response will vary depending on the specifics of the scenario. "Aw thanks you're too kind" is a good standby for this type of compliment, half deflected but still accepted. If you find the compliment heartwarming, you can go with the classic "Thanks, that means a lot" it's simple and makes the other person happy too.

Here are some examples for specific scenarios:
"You're funny"
"Thanks, I'm here all week"

"You're show was awesome"
"Thanks, I had fun"

"You have a nice place"
"Thanks, make yourself at home"

"You look great"
"I couldn't have done it with out Shaun T, my trainer"

"Great advice"
"I'm glad I could help"

"You're so humble"
"I know"

I hope this was helpful! If you have anything specific you want answered feel free to let me know and I'll do my best to help out.  I hope you all have a fantastic week!

So you've got a date

Hello everyone! Last night I posted about breaking up, break ups are sad, so tonight i want to do the opposite and talk about first dates!

First dates are a great until you realize you have to actually go out on this date and appear entertaining, charming, and witty for a few hours (not that you aren't). Here are some tips on how to have an amazing first date

Look sharp.

People love to say "looks don't matter" "It's whats on the inside that counts" "don't judge a book by its cover" etc. The sad truth is first impressions do matter and looks are factored in. If you show up looking like a scrub, your date will think you don't care (in the gross way, not the sexy bad boy way). You don't need to be in your sunday best but look like you put a little thought into it.

Pick something scary to do.

Go on some thrill rides, see a scary movie (The Conjuring is in theater's), go rock climbing, visit a haunted house.

Why? All these thing cause the body to release Adrenaline. When this happens in a date setting a little thing called Misattribution of Arousal happens. Whats that means is that your date is experiencing an increased heart rate, sweaty palms, and breathlessness because of the environment, but they are attributing those feeling to you. 

Also, this will give you something to talk about after if you're lacking conversation topics. 

When picking which scary thing to do, something to keep in mind is knowing your limits. If you shit your pants on the first date, you're going to have a bad time.

Ask lots of questions.

You are trying to get to know them after all. Avoid asking too many questions about work/school because those could bring about negative emotions. Ask unique question like "Whats your favorite cookie?" this will make them think because chances are they aren't asked very often. This will also provoke conversation about other things (allergies, food restrictions etc). Also now you know what to give as a gift.

 If you sit there all night talking about yourself you come off like a cockwaffle (no one wants that). If you have things in mind that you want to talk about, like if you want to brag about your stamp collection, ask if they have any strange collections, they'll say "blah blah blah coin collection blab blah.. what about you?" then you can brag away because they asked. (DISCLAIMER: if you have a stamp collection consider not bringing it up till the second or third date)

Try not to pre-stalk this person to much.

Its nearly impossible to at least take a little look see at their facebook page, see what they look like what they're into. It's ok to look through their profile pictures if you must, but try not to got through everything they're ever posted on any site ever. 

Why? It will probably cause you to say something stupid. Say you saw online that they went to Pooland High School, you mention on the date you knew someone that went to Pooland High School, they never mentioned they went to Pooland High School, you look like a creep. Even though people generally assume people stalk their facebook, they don't really want those suspicions to be confirmed on the first date.

Be honest.

People sometimes have a really bad habit of lying on a date. Whether its a little lie like "I like the baseball, too" or a big lie like "I'm single" in the end it will blow up in your face. Faking an interest will lead to many uncomfortable conversations about something you know nothing about and probably don't care about. Instead, find something you actually do have in common, and if you can't, laugh about how totally opposite you are, bang, and never call them again. (Just kidding .. sort of).

Who pays?

Ok here's how its going to go down 

Guy: offer to pay for the girl

Girl: politly decline and offer to pay for yourself

Guy: insist on paying for the both of you

Girl: Allow the guy to pay.

If everyone (on a tradition date) can follow this it will eliminate a lot of awkwardness. 

Now I'm well aware there are other possible situations.

If you are in a same sex relationship, whoever initiated the date should offer to pay and so on as above 

If you (a girl) asks a guy on the date, you should be prepared to pay for yourself. (Its not fair to expect him to have enough money for both of you if he didn't ask in the first place)

Hope this was mildly helpful for some of you! If you have any helpful tips of your own please let me know in the comments! Good luck on your date!

Curious about Misattribution of Arousal? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misattribution_of_arousal 

A Few Things I Wish I Had Been Told Sooner in Life

Hi everyone! Hope you are all had a good weekend!

Many of my friends through out the years have come to me for advice about every day issues they are having whether it is relationship trouble or issues at work or school. Now, my advice does vary depending on the specifics of the issue but there always seems to be an underlying theme that can be applied to many life issues. In one word: Confidence.

Want to get a boyfriend? Confidence
What to make new friends? Confidence
Want to be more of a trend setter? Confidence
Want to convince anyone of anything? Confidence
Want to be able to wear a pine cone on your head? Confidence

It's truly shocking the things you can get away with if you just do it with the utmost confidence.

Now, I know what you're thinking "But Shannon, you can't just be confident, some people are and some people aren't, your advice stinks and I hate you"  Whoa, keep calm and read on, my friends. Anyone can exude confidence (whether they are or not).

Confidence is actually a generally easy thing to fake, and after you fake it enough it just becomes second nature and before you know it you are the confident strong person you've always wanted to be!

How do you fake confidence? Well there are a few very simple tips and tricks to appear more confident.

1. Posture 
Keep your back straight and your shoulders back. Keep your head up when you're walking around. This was a little difficult for me at first because I was so used to slouching and keeping my eyes on the floor as I walked around but with a little effort standing up straight and looking up became second nature. 

Why does posture make a difference? Good posture shows that you have respect for yourself, and people tend to respect people that respect themselves.

2. Eye Contact
When you are having a conversation with a person, friend or stranger, look them in the eyes. Again, its a little strange a first but the more you do it, you'll become more comfortable with it and you won't feel like you're having some sort of weird staring contest with the person.

Why does eye contact make a difference? When you look at a person in the eyes it appears as though you are fully focused on them and care what they are saying. I don't have to tell you why people like that.

3. Be Honest
Let me be clear, when asked for your opinion, be honest but for the love of all that is holy be kind. If someone asks you if their hideous hat look good on them, don't just blurt out "KILL IT WITH FIRE" though you might want too. Instead tell them simply they look better without it.

Why is honesty important? People will respect your opinion way more if they're not always hearing "Yea looks good" every time they ask. It will give you some credibility and people want that in the people they hangout with.

With these 3 simple things you will be well on your way to being a stronger more confident you. I could probably write a book about this but I didn't want to overwhelm anyone on the first post. I hope this helps a few of you! If you want me to post more on this topic or if you have any other topics you'd like me to post about, just let me know in the comments :)